Procrastination? Just do it!

I thought about writing this blog post for a few days now but my body convinced my mind it’d be better to put it off. That happens more often than I’d like to admit and I’m seeing the affects it has on me.

There’s a few reasons why one would procrastinate: fear of failure, low self-esteem, perfectionism, distractions, poor management skills ,or feeling a sense of threat. For me, I procrastinate for the fear of failure. I set high expectations for myself and become easily discouraged and disappointed when I don’t meet them. Being a person with low self-esteem I find it hard to acknowledge my accomplishments which makes me fear being successful. I want to be successful, but it seems like my body and mind haven’t aligned just yet. I’m in a battle with present and future self.

I’ve leaned on my support systems by asking them for their advice on how they achieve their goals in a timely fashion. One person mentioned writing notes or setting reminders and though that’s helpful, I struggle with physically doing the action. Another person yelled at me like they worked for Nike, “JUST DO IT!” And that has been my motto ever since.

I’m replacing the low energy thoughts in my head with “JUST DO IT!” So far it’s been helping but I find myself dragging my feet. It’s hard kicking unhealthy habits. Which is why I’ve been trying to get to the root of the issue.

I’ve accomplished quite a lot these past few months being a full time artist. I’ve seen the growth in my artistry, work ethic, and who I am as a person. I’m learning new things which gives me more opportunities to fall down, but when you shift it into a positive perspective, I’m also given more chances to get up and on top and that is SCARY.

I’m seeing myself accomplish short-term goals in real time and it feels like I have super powers. I’m able to manifest what I want while having the drive and dedication to go for it. I have BIG goals and each small step I take towards my dreams makes my knees want to buckle because I don’t feel I deserve it. I had a friend tell me that my track record of progress shows I am capable of doing all the things I set my mind to. Through the eyes of my low self-esteem I couldn’t understand the validity behind that statement.

But, this showcase I had over the weekend blew away any doubts I’ve ever had of myself as an artist. The amount of love and support in the room that night still has me on a high. I was given beautiful compliments on work I judged myself too harshly on. I learned that other people don’t share my negative perspective of me. If they enjoy my work and see my potential, why can’t I? What makes me afraid of trying?

Procrastination is a problem I’m trying to work through because it almost cost me an incredible night. I focus more on the small details and neglect the bigger picture. For example, I already knew the date of the event before I even sent my books to the printer.

Note to self: Don’t EVER plan a book launch showcase without having the physical copies of your book in hand first!!

I waited until the last minute for just about everything and that raised my cortisol levels to a point of paralysis. Nothing existed for me until I got my author copies in the mail ONE WEEK before my event. I wish I was exaggerating but I can’t remember a single thing that happened the weeks leading up to the event, and I spent most days doing nothing until the books came. I was STRESSED OUT. All because my anxiety told my body, publishing a book is a threat to what I normally feel; low self-esteem and unsuccessful.

I’ve been spending my time at the gym working on discipline in hopes of it having a positive effect on my self-esteem and motivation. I find it’s been getting easier convincing myself to go and that helps my mindset in all areas. I’m getting up and “just doing it.” Without second thought, I’m making a choice to be better than I was yesterday because I know I’m capable of it. With the gym, I may not see immediate results but feeling sore let me know I’m pushing my body to its limits, and little by little, I’m making progress. However, with this blog, I have no idea what’s to come when I write a new post which is probably what makes me afraid to keep trying. Like the gym, the results aren’t immediate but the long-term dedication will get me where I want to be.

After seeing what a great turn out Saturday was, I’m believing in myself more now than ever. I’m not afraid of being successful anymore because as long as I’m trying, I already am. I’m finding the time to reflect on the person I am now and how she aligns with the person I’m trying to be. It’s not easy, but neither is staying complacent in a life you’re not happy with. Ask yourself what’s more important, taking a risk and learning something new while failing, or never trying and being stuck in the same position. I’ve gotten myself off the couch and I’m ready to keep trying because I know the life I want for myself isn’t in procrastination. It’s through determination, dedication, and motivation. It’s time to stop making excuses and “JUST DO IT.”

And boy…do I have a lot to do this month! Stay tuned for my upcoming projects, events, and shows ‘cause I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I appreciate everyone who came out on Saturday and everyone supporting my journey. If you have a goal you’re struggling to start, “JUST DO IT” and take it from there. I mean, this all started with just one poem and now I’m publishing my second book, releasing my third poetry visual, and curating my own open mic. Just do it. Start small and watch how far you’ll go in a few months.

With infinite love,

Jessica