how to approach someone with suicidal thoughts
Photography by Thirty1Eighty8
Before you keep reading this blog post, I want to state a clear trigger warning for those who have lost someone to suicide, having suicidal thoughts, or have attempted. If you feel that you are going to hurt yourself please reach out to your local mental health agencies or the national suicide hotline 988.
September is the month of suicide awareness. Being a social worker and a poet who shares pieces on mental health I want to offer my experiences and knowledge with you.
Mental health and suicide ideation has followed me for quite some time.
Statistics show there are more than 700,000 people who die by suicide yearly. That’s a lot of people. After the pandemic hit, I think there’s been a willingness to discuss these topics openly. I’ve worked with a variety of people and children who struggled with suicidal thoughts. It wasn’t an easy job but it’s an important one.
I see so many people shedding light on mental health, I wonder what they would do when encountered with someone who actively has suicidal thoughts. I don’t think there’s any clear cut answer. Everyone is different in their pain, emotions, and healing. What works best for one person might not work for you.
There’s some myths about suicide which may make some people hesitant to speak up. One myth I’ve seen is that talking about suicide gives someone the idea. That’s not true. If those thoughts aren’t present, chances are they’re not going to show up just because you talked about it.
As a social worker, there’s an assessment that needs to be completed for suicidal clients. These questions can be used for any loved one that you have with suicidal ideation.
“Do you wish you could go to sleep and not wake up?”
“Do you have any thoughts about killing yourself?”
“Have you thought about how you might do this?”
“Have you made any attempt to end your life, taken steps to, or engaged in self-harm?”
Personally, I don’t like these questions. Maybe because everyone who’s asked me was stoic and didn’t show genuine empathy. Plus, depression affects everyone differently. You can try asking open ended questions without judgment and be cognizant of your tone. Tone is important when talking with anyone, especially true with someone who is suicidal. Some symptoms of suicide can include isolation, changes in appetite, feeling like a burden, depression, and negative thinking.
The best approach for people with ideation can be simply listening. Ask yourself if you’re in a position to help, because that’s also important. You want to make sure you’re okay emotionally and mentally before engaging. You don’t want to trigger yourself!
Ask your loved one how they’re feeling, check in regularly. Suicidal ideation can be hidden in phrases like “I can’t take it anymore” or “I don’t want to be here.” With those questions ask for clarification. “When you say you can’t take it anymore, what are you talking about” or “Where is here?” Questions like these can offer extended conversations and allow the person to express themselves freely. Suicide ideation is tough to experience, especially when there isn’t room for expression on a day to day basis since conversations are taboo.
Once you’ve realized your loved one is suicidal, offer support. Inquire about their plan if they have one, their support systems and ways to keep them safe in the moment. Whenever a client has suicidal thoughts a safety plan is completed. The same applies for your loved ones. You want to make sure they are safe from themselves.
There are so many other approaches to helping someone with suicidal thoughts and I’d be happy to help if you have more questions because the list can go on and on. I might come back to this topic and continue sharing my thoughts and experiences.
I hope you are all taking care of yourselves and your loved ones this September. My condolences to anyone who’s lost someone from suicide. I hope this helps you, or helps you help someone else.
