It’s Never too late
When I look at how far poetry has taken me, I’m truly amazed. I was a freshman in high school when I decided I wanted to be a writer. And it only took a year of 10th grade English to figure out I didn’t want to do that. Fast forward to my late teens and I’m starting to perform my poetry in front of others pondering the thought of publishing a book.
It started off as a release. A place I could let go and be free. I wandered into a few open mics and shared my work online. It’s crazy to think the power social media has. It lands opportunities for connections with people who can change the course of your direction. That’s how I got to perform for Nicki Minaj’s mom, Carol Maraj.
“It goes down in the DM!” I was messaged on Instagram by a woman who was curating an event for a private music video release party. She was asking me to perform a poem about “What Makes You.” That was the name of the video they were promoting, and I was too nervous to respond. I’m not going to lie, I had to google who she was. But once I found out, I let my thoughts run wild, so I was stuck between this is a scam or this is important.
I’d never been asked to perform by an event organizer for anything aside from poetry events, so I was apprehensive, especially performing for someone of higher status. I asked my friend to take the call and ask what I needed to do. I agreed to perform in the event, unsure of which poem as mine lean more towards the depression scale. They let me bring two guests, I brought that friend and my sister.
The event was taking place in less than a week. Can you imagine? I had less than a week to write a non-depressing, no curses, self-motivating kind of poem. I didn’t know where to start. I remembered attending open mics and loving the way others recited words of healing and self-love, so I tried to write something similar. It sounded terrible. I read it to my sister, and she agreed. It didn’t sound like anything I’d write. I tried again, and nothing. One more time, nothing. A few more times and nothing again. The days were getting shorter, and I had to take a break to clear my heart and head.
Finally, I wrote from a third person perspective. “It’s hard for her to feel any different,” the first line of the poem was all I needed to run with the idea. It was a challenge to write from the first point of view because it wasn’t what I was feeling. I struggle so much with depression it’s hard to see myself as anything else but sad or not confident. Writing from the third person perspective I was able to invite the feelings I want for myself even if I don’t feel them right now. It also reminds me it’s not just me who feels this way, others do too. I love that this poem is written this way, so many women have come up to me and say they felt it was meant for them.
I was scared to perform this piece. There were women and men dressed in beautiful outfits and suits. Their jewelry wasn’t excessive, but it was certainly flashy. I felt out of place. When it was time to perform all eyes were on me. It was the first time the entire room had their phones out recording with their flashes on. If I wasn’t shaking before I was at that moment. It all happened fast. They all loved my poem and I connected with a couple of people who seemed nice.
It was the first of many performances in a non-open mic setting. I feel empowered knowing I am brave enough to share my stories with others.
Life changes quickly. One day you want to be a writer, a year later you don’t. And in a few years maybe you will decide it is what you want to do. The point is life takes you where you’re always supposed to be. Keep dreaming things for yourself because it’s all I’ve ever done and I can’t wait to see where else I’m headed.
