Seeking help

With so much talk surrounding mental health this month, I want to mention one of the more important things when dealing with mental health…seeking help. We’re being encouraged to speak with a therapist but sometimes that can be frightening.

“I’m not going to talk to a stranger.”

“Why would I need to pay anyone to listen to my problems?”

“I don’t have anything to talk about.”

These are just a few of the reasons people list for not speaking with a therapist. All may be true. Your therapist is most likely a stranger at first, whom you’ll have to pay because they are a professional doing their job, which is active listening. Some days you might not have much to say. Others, you may be reaching for those last minutes to say everything no one’s ever asked you.

Talking seems simple. But, I notice that taking the first step will always be the hardest. In my opinion, I think we should all speak with someone. However there are some people who have their reservations. If you’re thinking about talking to someone that might be a sign you should.

Finding someone you are comfortable with can make all the difference when choosing a therapist. I started therapy when I was in middle school, continuing on and off throughout my life. I’ve seen a few therapists since then. When I decided to go back to therapy on my own I had a few preferences on who I wanted to speak to. One of the therapists I saw years ago was a male and it made me realize that I wanted to speak with a woman who shares my experiences. That’s what made me comfortable from the first interaction, knowing we had something in common. That may work for you or a friend when trying to find someone to speak with.

At first, your therapist will be a stranger to you. As sessions go on they will learn more about you and you about them. Of course there will be a distinct difference between what they share because they need to keep professional boundaries. The way your therapist engages with you can make you feel more comfortable and willing to share. In the same case of my male therapist, when I would speak to him, he always sipped his Dunkin’ Donuts iced coffee and would roll his eyes. I don’t think it was directed at me, I think that way his mannerism, either way it wasn’t for me.

Once I found someone who gave me genuine feedback, a listening ear, and guidance, my defensive walls started coming down. Even as a social worker, I was taught skills on how to navigate difficult clients who didn’t want to share. The saying my teacher would use was “if the door is closed, us social workers will always find a window.” I see it now in practice, with myself and with the clients I speak with. You don’t have to give everything all at once, give what you can and the social workers will help with the rest.

I’ve been seeing my current therapist on and off for almost five years now. The connection and rapport we’ve built has been over the course of one hour weekly sessions. I always mention how journaling helps calm some of my anxious thoughts, but so does therapy.

When things seem like they’ve been going bad for a while I look forward to speaking with my therapist to tell her what’s been on my mind. I have a hard time expressing myself (go figure, the writer) and sometimes I feel like I’m not always being heard. Although I find it comical that I pay someone to listen to me, it helps knowing I am spending my money on something that is benefiting me in the long run. I get to choose the topics we discuss and if there’s ever something I don’t want to talk about I’m able to control how the sessions go.

Your therapist works with the information you give them. I try to be open minded when going into therapy because sometimes it doesn’t always work out the way you want. There have been times I walked in repeating to myself, 'I will not cry’ and within minutes I start bawling. The amount of self-discovery, self-awareness, insight, and emotional maturity I’ve gained over the years is because I’ve been guided through life and emotions by my therapist.

Seeking help can be pricey. Depending on your insurance, mental health services aren’t typically covered. Asking your insurance carrier to refer you to a psychologist can help you start finding your perfect therapist. Another way to find your therapist can be online through psychologytoday.com. That’s how I found mine. I love this website because it allows you to filter your preferences on a therapist. If choosing a therapist is overwhelming or out of your budget, try looking into support groups. Most support groups are free and can be just as beneficial as one on one therapy.

There isn’t a one size fits all when it comes to therapy since we are all different people. If therapy isn’t for you but you’re in need of releasing your thoughts and emotions try another form of expression. It can be art, writing, dancing, sports etc. Anything where you’ll be able to release trapped energy within yourself. My best friend told me she likes screaming in the car, and I don’t know if anyone else has ever tried it but I also find that to be very therapeutic. Give something new a try. Push yourself outside your limits, it might be uncomfortable at first, but I promise it’s worth it.